The Invigilators

‘There’s a lizard behind you,’ the boy said motioning with his head, not allowing his eyes to leave those of Leopold.

There could have been. In that hot city there were all sorts of lizards running around. Snakes too. And I’d seen several scorpions. It wasn’t the thing that people joked about there; many were poisonous. That’s why Leopold flinched a bit, just a flicker at the bottom of his eye, but he didn’t break the boy’s stare. Though we soon discovered, with his talk of lizards, he wasn’t joking.

It was late last year. I was living out in that oasis in the desert, taking freelance teaching contracts. They were easy to get; lots of demand. They lasted from a day to a few months. I enjoyed the feeling of not being too attached, it gave the mirage of freedom. The periods between contracts gave me time to travel a bit and work on my writing. But it also left me hard up sometimes, and if there was no teaching work, I’d accept any job going. I’m not complaining, I enjoy short term jobs. Even mundane tasks are a learning curve if you only have to do it a day or two. It was good to meet different people; I was a bit isolated out there. During that time I worked at catering events, on the bar usually, some driving too; vans. I was a security guard, dog walker, babysitter, you name it. I was on the books of various recruitment agencies in the city and they’d call me offering me work.

During a lean period, October I think, they called me and asked if I was available to invigilate exams. I jumped at it, unable to imagine anything easier than watching students transcribe their exams for a few hours.  They sent me an email detailing my work tasks, where I must report, payment, things like that. All I had to do was hand out the exam papers, make sure students weren’t cheating then collect the papers at the end. One two-hour exam in the morning, a paid lunch and a four-hour one in the afternoon. As the time grew closer I even started to look forward to it. It was up at the university and I liked the idea of working at a university. I put the novel I was reading in my bag and caught the bus there.

When I arrived in the big exam hall, there were some students milling around, but no sign of anyone in charge. The big clock above the whiteboard showed it was 8.30; the exam was due to start at 9. I loitered outside and soon a man who didn’t look like a student approached. He looked like a young professional, his clothes looked new and he carried a leather briefcase.

‘You must be the agency guy,’ he said, ‘I’m Neil.’ We shook hands and went in, me following Neil to the front. He put his bag down and glanced around the room as the tiered pews slowly filled with nervous looking students.

‘I was told to report to someone called Leopold’ I said.

Neil was quiet a moment, then said ‘Yeah, he’ll be here soon. Do you have much experience?’

I presumed he meant invigilating to which I replied I didn’t and noticed a faint shake of his head and an almost inaudible tut. I returned the question.

‘Eight years,’ he said, ‘hoping to become Senior next year.’ Before I had a chance to consider this, he said; ‘Look, don’t take it the wrong way but Leopold asked the agency to send someone with experience. He might be a little…cheesed off.’

Neil’s accent was Southeast England, I asked where he was from. He took a moment to answer, whether trying to remember or just glazed from being asked so many times, I couldn’t tell.

‘Liverpool’ he replied to my surprise. He then went about removing items from his satchel: two whiteboard markers, a bedside alarm clock, a pad of paper, two pens, a clicker and an empty bottle. He turned and scrawled some exam rules on the board, then picked up his empty bottle, and shaking it towards me he said: ‘Off to the fill this’.

Students were filling the back rows first. They were young, but had a serious look. Final year I’d guess. And a science subject, possibly medicine. Most were attired in the uniform of the middle classes in that city; a branded polo shirt and chinos, and most were plump. They were setting out their things on the desks: pens, calculators, removing their wrist watches.

Neil reappeared in the doorway, bottle replenished. He took the steps down slowly, looking left and right, and stopped next to a boy who was flicking through a notebook. He stared down at the student who looked up, smiled, and looked away again. Neil kept his stare and using his thumb and forefinger, plucked the notebook away. He dangled it in front of the boy’s face.

‘What’s this?’ he enquired in faux shock.

The boy looked up at Neil with a confused look. Neil still wore a shocked expression, but it was slowly hardening into something else. The student gestured to the clock, showing another 20 minutes until the exam, and started to say something when there was an almighty bang! Neil brought the notebook down on the desk with such a violent slam that everyone in that room jumped. Heads turned to the source. There was silence.

Neil’s words were slow and deliberate. The shocked silence carried them through the entire exam hall: ‘Nobody must have notebooks on the table.’ He pointed to the rules on the whiteboard, then continued towards me and the lectern, notebook in hand. He plopped the notebook on the lectern. ‘How they going to be doctors if they can’t follow basic bloody instructions?’ His face had softened again but he had a thick film of sweat on his forehead. He didn’t make eye contact with me. All the same, I was nodding agreement. I wanted him to like me. He made some adjustments to his things, took a sip of water and glanced at his watch. ‘Leopold will be here in three minutes.’

‘That’s very precise’ I said.

‘You sort of have to be in this game’ he replied, then looked like he was biting his lip.

Between two and four minutes later a man appeared up at the doorway holding a cardboard box. He stood out as he was taller and better dressed than the students who were still shuffling in. He stopped as he entered, and looked around the hall. He then proceeded down the steps, still looking around, head held high but eyes down. He was dressed in the bright colours that Modern Men wear: turquoise, navy and camel. He was thin and with an abrupt nose. The points of his elbows jutted out from his turquoise shirt, as did knobbly knees from his cords. I readied myself for the greeting which never came; he didn’t look at me as he brushed past and I hesitated a split second too long. He was behind me, arranging the box. He stood up and called Neil to a corner. He whispered something and Neil nodded, seemingly not saying anything himself until the end when he nodded up in my direction. The man whispered something else and Neil shook his head slowly.

He branched off from Neil and the two of them began stalking up the aisles, hands behind their backs eyes casting around. Students looked at them and looked away again quickly.

The man I thought must be Leopold had done a full lap of the hall and sidled up next to me, hands clasped behind his back, looking out at the students.

I opened mouth to greet him, raised my arm for a handshake.

‘Ten minutes!’ he screamed. Even I got a start. It was a shrill voice. Hysterical, a voice that listeners would obey out of embarrassment rather than respect. He continued to glower at the assembled. He was close to me, I could smell his citrus aftershave. He licked and puckered his lips, and out of the corner of his mouth came the word: ‘Agency?’

‘Yes’ I replied, ‘the agency sent me’ and as I turned towards him with a smile I saw his back moving towards the box. Neil had appeared next to the box too and without a word received a stack of papers. Leopold was making an agitated gesture with his hand which, it took me a while to realise, was for me. ‘Come here!’ he hissed. I did so and he passed me a stack of papers. ‘Here are ten spare exam papers. Ten. Spare. Papers. How many are there?’

‘Ten’ I replied.

His mouth hung open and he paused. Then he said: ‘Your job for this exam, is to stand next to that door and make sure nobody enters. Hold the ten papers. If a student needs a new paper, I will come to you and take one.’

He scooped up the rest of the papers and, like Neil, started floating around the hall distributing them with the lightness of a ballerina. Before I’d made it up the steps to my sentry post by the door, each student had an exam paper before them and both Neil and Leopold stood at the front. It was two minutes to nine.

My position gave me a good vantage point, out over the student body and down to the main podium upon which Neil and Leopold stood, each at slightly different angles to the students so that they could take them all in. One minute to nine.

‘Students!’ Leopold bellowed, ‘This exam starts at 9. It ends at 11. If you need to go to the toilet or require a new exam paper, raise your hand. Those are the only two occasions you should speak. No other request is accepted. Raise your hand, and Neil or I will come to you. You may NOT leave the exam hall in the last 30 minutes of the exam. These rules are written on the board.’ He paused to glance at a clock somewhere, I couldn’t see where. ‘We’ll start in 5, 4….’ From three to one he mouthed silently like they do in live TV, then made a gesture and there was a loud ruffle of papers being turned over. Both men fanned out as the rustling died down and elbows were rested on tables and the business of exam completion got underway.

They moved in a figure of eight pattern around the room, up, along, and down the aisles, eyes and necks moving and making eye contact with nobody, except each other when they passed in the middle. I had been relieved when he’d given me a duty. But nobody had tried to come in. There was a deathly silence out in the corridor and after 30 minutes, surely nobody would want to start the exam afresh. I looked at the stack of ten papers. The front cover read Medicine 4109.

Leopold and Neil continued to brush past me without comment, on their slow prowl, hardly blinking. The silence – both men were wearing rubber shoes which made their steps inaudible – was broken at one hour by Neil ‘One hour left!’ and then again at the 90 minute mark: ‘30 minutes. You may not leave the exam room!’

One hand went up slowly just after this announcement and Leopold was there in a heartbeat. He leant down to listen, stood up and walked away. I prepared a spare paper, but the student was left looking at the back of Leopold’s ironed shirt. I returned the paper.

Leopold boomed ‘1 minute!’ and gestured at Neil who took up position at the end of a row. Then: ‘That is the end of the exam. Stay seated.’ In the beat of the last letter of ‘exam’ both men started snapping up the papers with startling synchronicity and speed such that within 60 seconds all exam papers were being rounded off on the lectern by Leopold who counted them, counted them again, nodded at Neil who shouted: ‘You may now leave.’ and the papers were stowed into the box and Leopold was striding up the aisle, disappearing through the door.

I hadn’t been officially stood down from my post, but I assumed the general order applied to me too so I descended towards Neil who was returning his things to his bag. I motioned with my ten papers which he swiped and sealed into a large brown envelope. He clipped his wrist watch on and was gone, up the stairs holding that brown envelope.

I felt a little dazed and watched the students with that pleasant look students have after an exam. The last one filtered out as I picked up my bag and double checked the time of the afternoon exam. I had a meal ticket for the canteen so asked an old security guard for directions and made my way there.

I lined up with a plastic tray and recognised some of the students from the exam, engaged in excited chatter. A large woman in an apron scooped a ladle of curry and spoonful of rice onto my tray, then I collected a yoghurt and showed my meal coupon.

I looked for a table and saw Neil and Leopold sitting alone in the corner, opposite each other. Leopold looked up and we made eye contact. He looked away quickly. I thought to ignore them, but I went over and directed my question to Neil who seemed the relatively friendly one ‘Mind if I join you?’ They couldn’t much object and I swung a leg over the bench and sat next to Neil and opposite Leopold, who now couldn’t avoid eye contact with me. He had black rings around his eyes and wore a pained expression, looking between me and my tray as if the task was now to invigilate my eating of lunch.

‘That seemed to go well’ I ventured, wondering what they’d been talking about.

Not that presumably, as neither replied. Both their trays were empty and Leopold was playing with a toothpick. Neil had his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands, looking at Leopold.

‘I’m a professional invigilator’ Leopold began, distracted by a morsel of food in his teeth. ‘The two hour exam is fairly easy. This afternoon’s is four hour. They’re more technical to invigilate.’ He was still mining morsels with the little wooden stick, looking off beyond Neil, who was sombre. ‘It’s not a problem, of course, I’ve been invigilating for 15 years. And Neil 8. We know what we’re doing.’ He looked at me straight on. ‘Just follow our exact instructions. Don’t try and be a hero’. I nodded and felt ashamed at my inexperience.

He held my stare as he got up to leave, then glanced at my yoghurt ‘ten minutes’ he said, leaving his tray on the table and walking out with Neil following him.

I finished my meal and was back in the hall within eight minutes. It was empty until they both came in. There was a smell of cigarette smoke on both and Leopold looked like he might have been laughing but straightened when he saw me. Neil was tucking in his shirt. As before, he set out his things and Leopold marched away and returned soon after with a box. I felt more drilled this time, but also eager to see how a 4-hour exam was administered.

‘Is there anything else I could help with?’ I said.

The question seemed unexpected and Neil looked to Leopold who was blunt: ‘No,’ he said.

It was a different set of students this time and Neil moved among them with his clicker. They seemed greater in number compared to the morning. ‘78’ Neil confirmed with his final click.

The same routine. This time no student was foolhardy enough to look at their notebooks and at 14:00 the wheels of exam completion were set in motion. I stood at the door with my ten papers again, this time the exam paper was Mechanical 4208. The last exam was just a single sheet of paper. This one was two sheets. But even still, I thought 4 hours was a bit long for the three questions it contained. Sure enough, after the two hour mark students started handing in their papers and drifting out. This caused mild anarchy in the exam hall as they darted around collecting their bags and shuffled out with various degrees of noise. When multiple students were doing this it caused the two invigilators to jerk their heads around wildly. When Leopold shouted ‘One hour!’ it was barely audible. By the time the three and a half hour mark neared, only a single student remained. Neil and Leopold posted themselves to the front which by now I knew meant that it was 30 seconds until an announcement. As they stood there, the lone student closed his paper and leant back, stretching. He slowly capped his pen, put his wrist watch back on and stood up. Leopold’s eyes were trained on him and as he stood, his words echoed around the room, ‘30 minutes. You may NOT leave the exam hall!’ At this Neil, resumed his stag around the room, no containing only the four of us, while Leopold remained staring at the student.

I could only see the back of the student, a boy, from my position, but could guess his expression had changed. I had presumed the 30 minute thing was to ensure there wasn’t too much distracting noise from lots of students leaving at once.

The boy looked about him, confirming he was the only one. Leopold’s stare rattled him, or maybe it was Neil quietly approaching him from the rear, hands behind his back. He sat down again and a few minutes passed. He started capping and uncapping his pen and again looked around him. His exam paper was lying on the desk in front of him.

‘Look’ he started, ‘Can I leave? I’m the only one…’

Leopold took quick steps towards the boy, bringing his fingers to his lips, barely making a sound.

‘There’s nobody here!’ The boy said, with reason. It was hot in that afternoon sun and he’d clearly made up his mind he didn’t want to sit there for another 26 minutes. ‘Can you not change the rules? This is so stupid!’

Leopold stared at the boy, a corner of his mouth seemed to rise in a smile.

‘Why are you like this? What’s the point?’ The boy looked around one more time. Neil took a step closer.

‘Look,’ he said standing up, ‘I’m leaving. Here’s my paper. If you stop me I’ll report you to Professor Hushal. He’s a reasonable man and will have you disciplined.’ That word carried severe connotations in that country. I don’t know if the boy meant it, or if he would do as he said, but something jolted Leopold.

‘Sit-down!’ Leopold cried, which made Neil place his hands on the boy’s shoulders who swatted them away. ‘I know you Leopold, you take this rubbish way too seriously. Why don’t you just loosen up?’

Leopold started like he was sticking to the script: ‘No student may leave in the last…’

‘I’m the only one here, you dick!’

‘Sit down you little shit!’ he shouted and Neil forced him down this time. The boy was in shock, I think. I sensed he was telling the truth about telling on Leopold. Perhaps Leopold realised this, or perhaps he just didn’t know what to do. But that’s how the stare out began. Still 20 minutes on the clock, and the next five passed in complete silence. The boy sitting, one of his sleeves up on his shoulder from Neil’s forced assistance and Leopold standing a few metres away, one foot on a step. It was like a game of musical statues, both frozen, staring at each other.

That’s when the boy said it: ‘There’s a lizard behind you’ and the small flinch from Leopold. Another minute or so passed. He must have seen her through the window, I thought later. I failed in my only duty; a large woman swept past me through the door and strode down the aisle locking on to her target.

‘You are a bastard of a man Leo! A shit! You think you can run here and hide’ she wasn’t breaking her pace moving towards him.

Leopold’s face suddenly was of a different man. What was a thin firm face now looked swollen, puffy. He broke off the boy’s stare and stepped back. Neil too seemed to recoil at the woman’s presence and backed away as she approached carrying what looked like a long plastic aubergine with the unmistakable words ‘Lizard Boy’ written on the side. I was so engrossed by the event as she raised it skyward, that I barely noticed the boy slip out of the room.